I never thought it would ever happen to me. I had always considered myself a strong, confident, and independent woman, yet I became a victim of extreme, ongoing domestic violence (physical, emotional, mental, verbal, and financial abuse) where I came very close to losing my life. I lost everything; my home, my career, my friends, and all sense of who I was as a person. To stay safe, I had to live in a women’s refuge for 3 months when I first fled. My personality and character had been stripped bare and I carried a world’s worth of shame and embarrassment over my experience. In coming out of the refuge, I began the journey of putting my life back together, something I was determined to do from the day I fled from my ex-partner.
About 2 years into my journey of rebuilding my life and myself, I joined the Meetup.com website to help me to get out of the house and meet people and begin to live the life I was so lucky and grateful to still have. My abusive relationship had left me with no friends and an inbuilt fear of going out and being around strangers. I knew I wanted to do some form of martial art because I never wanted to be in a situation where I would be abused or controlled again, in any form. So, I looked up self-defence groups and there was Arakan; a form of martial art that could be applied to real-life situations. Given that my ex is still out there (he was never charged) and I only have a piece of paper as protection (and that will run out soon) Arakan seemed perfect!
My first experience with Arakan was attending a complimentary ladies only session with Ali Grieg. I had no idea what to expect and I was worried that my past experiences would be triggered and I’d have some sort of meltdown (which is the last thing I wanted). To my suprise, the session was anything but a bad experience. Ali was very welcoming and accommodating, knowing the basics of my past experiences. The few moves that she went through opened my eyes to a whole new world of physical and mental confidence and empowerment that was mine for the taking if I wanted it. The basic strikes and defences that Ali showed me also didn’t require brute force, which is great when you’re a small female. After that one session with Ali, I knew Arakan was something that I had to do; it held the key to really helping me deal with my past experiences while at the same time giving me the motivation and the confidence to keep moving from strength to strength.
Ali told me from day one that Arakan is a journey, one in which you’ll learn not only how to defend yourself, but also discover more about yourself. I haven’t looked back since that session with Ali. I can’t get enough of Arakan now. I started training privates with Ali initially, until I was comfortable enough to move into group training. From there I have gradually increased my group training from one group per week, to two groups, and soon it will be three! And then there’s the 90-minutes with the Master seminars.…. a truly mind-blowing experience every time that leaves me feeling more pumped and empowered with every seminar I attend!
With the help of Arakan I am facing my demons head on, which is not always easy because these demons present themselves in a different way every time. It’s not predictable. Training Arakan brings up many bad memories and supressed emotions. But, the positives from these emotions and memories coming up are that I am able to work through them and process them rather than let my brain push them back into the closet and lock the door. You can only lock your demons away for so long before they will make a break for it.
As the saying goes, it’s not what happens to you in life that’s important, it’s how you react to what happens that counts. I am not a victim of my experiences, I am a survivor. Without my bad experiences I wouldn’t be who I am today and I would never have discovered Arakan, nor would I have met any of the amazing people in the community that is Arakan Martial Art. I am successfully rebuilding my life. As it stands now, my life is awesome and I look forward to what every day will bring….and which training session I have next! I am a happier person overall; a true happiness that comes from within. My confidence is improving; it’s nowhere near perfect, but I know that it will take time to build up and I know I will get there, it’s part of my journey. I don’t live in fear anymore, looking over my shoulder in public wondering what would happen if my ex-partner ever appears in my life again. In that regard, I am confident that I can protect myself from him harming me again.
I am extremely grateful to my instructor, Ali, for her patience and her understanding. It’s not always easy for others to understand domestic violence and the lasting effect that it has on a person, even once they have left that relationship. Arakan has changed my life and I can’t wait for the changes yet to come on this journey. I have my life back in the palm of my hands; I am the master of my own destiny and I cannot thank Arakan and its instructors enough for helping me to rediscover who I am and to start living my life to its absolute fullest.